The WhiteHack Blog

So It’s been five days now and our broadband is still slower than dialup.

Sky are due to change our line on the 16th, and we are looking forward to it.

The funny thing is that we have just had a call from Tiscali.

The representative started with: “I understand you hav requested a MAC code, have we done something to offend you?”

Well, firstly MAC stands for Migration Access Code, so its not a MAC code, in the same way as you it’s not a PIN number it’s the same as saying personal identifaction number number, so migration access code code is wrong.

But I digress and was not about to let semantics stand in the way of me voicing my dissatisfaction with Tiscali/Talk Talk.

I explained that the speed was slower than dial-up, and basically unusable.

“That’s because you don’t have the new TalkTalk router which will give you 7 megabits”.

7 Megabits is slower than we were on previously, and (knowing a little about networking) a new router would not change anything. I explained to the guy that only a new user name and password would have any effect on our line at a hardware level (in my home). We have an internet connection, so we know that:

A: My router works
B: The username and password works
C: My internet line is working – there is a connection to the outside world, but bandwidth is being throttled
D: TalkTalk talk bollocks and their staff know fuck-all

At this point the gent on the other end of the phone said “er, Thank you very much” and hung up.

The problem is fairly evident, this is nothing but a ploy by TalkTalk to get users whose original Tiscali contract has ended, and who have not signed up to a TalkTalk package to take a contract with TalkTalk.

The only cause for this slowness has got to be bandwidth throttling by TalkTalk. The line works, my account works, my router works, just TalkTalk have some very dubious methods of trying to gain customers.

So where does that leave the user, well if your contract with Tiscali has expired, you are up shit creek as TalkTalk have no obligation to you, and can do what ever the fuck they like, which is basically taking a crap on you.

It’s very easy to switch ISPs, check this out from MacCode.org.uk.

For a good comparison of broadband providers check this out.

Remember, you don’t have to be forced to take out a new contract with a company like TalkTalk.

So we have sixteen “non-housemates”. Its the usual crowd of wannabes, misfit and freaks.

They are:
Angel – professional boxer and artist, bisexual, from Russia
Beinazir – study support assistant, asylum seeker from Pakistan, described herself as an “Alpha female”
Cairon – performing arts student
Charlie – Customer Service Advisor, former Mr. gay UK contestant
Freddie – Entrepreneur (looks like Shaggy), reckons he’s a polymath, doesn’t own a TV, and lives with his parents in a stately home
Karly – Unemployed, FHM High Street honey, her biggest achievement was being accepted into university, she left after three weeks.
Sophie – Glamour model – wants to be Paris Hilton, was asked what is the capital of Uraguay – she replied “U”, “Sophie says that she’d make a good “president” of England because everyone would listen to her.” President of England? Really? Has education dropped this far?
Kris – Visual Merchandiser
Lisa – Unemployed, “She enjoys flirting with both sexes and would love to “turn” Angelina Jolie” – does she not realise that a strong breeze could turn Angelina? Lesbian, not surprisingly.
Marcus – Window fitter – looks like the bastard offpsring of Wolverine and Billy Ray Cyrus – he has a mullet!
Noirin – Retail Manager
Rodrigo – Student, from Brazil, bisexual
Saffia – Beauty consultant, “Single Saffia said that she considered turning lesbian because she is sick of men”
Siavash – Events organiser – looks like Roy Wood from Wizard, from Iran, has a small penis
Sophia – Private Banking Assistant, suffered from Lupus. Does no-one learn frm House? ITS NEVER LUPUS.
Sree – student, “His main ambition is to be an actor or Prime Minister”

Again we have a good example of the demographic of the UK. If that demographic was made of students, unemployed people and no one lived to the age of 40. Given some of the housemates, if they do live to be 30 I’d be surprised, Sophie looks like she needs someone to remind her to keep breathing. She’s a complete oxygen thief.

Catch the updates on Digital Spy, or alternatively do something interesting that does not require watching the worlds most bland TV show that should have ended at season 2.

If Grosse Pointe Blank has taught us anything, its that “You can never go home again”. The same is true regarding childhood. Once you leave childhood, seeing the same things again does not have the same effect as it once did.

And there are reasons for this, well, culprits would closer. The people we once admired and heralded as the saviours of our formative years are the same ones that have now taken a giant dump on our childhood. And as if that was not bad enough, they’ve rubbed it in our faces to make sure we get the message.

I am sure this list will be different for everyone. But here are the people that have put the final knife in the child that was within me.
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I must admit I do enjoy Britain’s Got Talent. It serves to show that there are a few nuggets of hope out there, it’s good for a laugh and it’s entertaining. What I fail to understand though is how someone like DJ Talent can get put through.

He looks like the simple love child of Goldie and the retarded shop assistant from “Hot Fuzz” and he sounds equally thick. Seriously he should concentrate more on making sure that he keeps the crayon scrawl within the lines of his Doctor Who coloring book, than actually thinking that he has a future a a rapper.

If he does get to play in front of Her Majesty I can picture her turning round to Philip and asking “Philip, who is this retard, please have him shot”.

It’s Kelly Brook I feel sorry for. He asked her out for a “salad”, which the fat fool that is DJ Talent could do with, but bless Miss Brook, even her bad acting does not condemn her to a sentence of looking after a candidate for care in the community.

I am sure they only voted in favor of him because they have an evil streak, and Piers Morgan’s attempt to be “street” was just fucking painful.

If DJ Talent wanted to be credible he should have come on stage, introduced himself as DJ Special Needs and dribbled for two minutes. Instead he is now deluded into thinking he has a future.

What’s more worrying is that people might actually buy his cd.

People are stupid.

It was so bad that I did not even watch the third part, although I was a big fan of Red Dwarf in its hey-day, this long awaited return did not even raise one chuckle. It was bad. Almost as bad as “The Spirit”, a film that served one purpose, and one purpose alone, to prove the old adage that “you can’t polish a turd”. I walked out on The Spirit after twenty minutes. Shame on you Frank Miler, shame. Even Samuel L. Jackson failed to make that film any good, and he can normally bring anything up to a decent level.

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